Almost unstoppable: Say STOP in 25 ways

 

Choose how to say STOP when your conversation goes out of control

Some colleagues, clients, employees, bosses, politicians, neighbors - might be difficult to stop when they are so absorbed in what they have or want to say. They are unstoppable when they are manic. Well, almost unstoppable.

Here's a list, depending on the situation you're in. It could be a weekly meeting, a public meeting, a coaching session, dismissing an employee etc. It could be your neighbor at your front door that is very upset. It could be your kids. 

Saying STOP is like putting a needle towards a balloon. For a moment your 'partner' and you will experience a sudden surprice that will stop you both. 

Choose the right kind of STOP and if it does not work then choose another one from this list. This list contain deescalating as well as escalating sentences. A question like: What time is it? will distract and confuse and stop the excited person for a few seconds - enough time for you to get away. 

  1. Say 'STOP'. If it does not work the first time say 'STOP' again. In some situations your must repeat 3 to 5 times. Underline your STOP order by raising your hand towards the person and repeat 'STOP' again. Say it with a firm voice. Don't overreact. And then walk away. This will normally terminate and finish the discussion. It will work 9 out of 10 times. So what about the 1 remaining incident? Try these 24 alternatives. Please understand that saying 'STOP' is quite offensive. But when the other person is offensive first it's OK for you to STOP him. Don't shout. Say it in a normal tone. 
  2. Say 'Lets pause this conversation'. The word 'pause' may sound nice and comfortable to many people. A 'pause' could mean that the thing could start again soon. But not nessesarily. It could be 'a forever pause'. The 'pause' could continue in a total stop.  
  3. Say 'I suggest a poll'. As soon as the other person has voted you veto that. With your veto you block or reject whatever the other person has come up with. If you are more than 2 persons present a poll would mean a lot.
  4. Say 'I suspend this meeting'. This is a formal STOP with a postponement to a later point. If you are the chairperson of the meeting you have the right to suspend and postpone if one or more persons behaves aggressive or spends an unacceptably long time on a post. What you actually do is that you pause the meeting. This will allow your participants to think it all over. It is your provocative to suspend the meeting. Explain why do that.
  5. Use the emergency brake. Say 'I use the emergency brake which means that no one no longer are allowed to comment this particular point on the agenda. The meeting has not been suspended but point no. 3 on the agenda has been stopped. Does everybody understand this? Please answer with a YES or a NO.' 
  6. Say 'Lets speed down. This is going to fast. We all need a slower pace.' In a way this is like saying 'STOP' or suspending the meeting, but using other words. 
  7. Say ' Lets speed up. This is going to slow. We all need a faster pace.' In a way you are suspending what ever is going on in order to continue to something more intelligent.
  8. Say 'I suggest we mute ourselves right now. We need silence to think it all through. And that is impossible when everybody is talking at the same time or shouting. So silence please.'
  9. Say 'What you say is unacceptable.' and walk away. This is deffinate. No turning back. A point of no return. 
  10. Say 'Stop - what you're saying or doing.' and walk away. Another point of no return.
  11. Ask 'What do you mean by that?' A bit softer. It includes your opponent and ask for a continuation - an elaboration. 
  12. Leave the person. Just walk away. Say no words. You leave your opponent a little confused. And time is not for you to turn around and walk back. Keep walking away.
  13. Take a deep breath and wait 7 seconds before responding. These 7 seconds will give you several options. Or wait for even longer. Try to pospone your answer for 7 minutes. This will work.
  14. Say 'repeat'. 'Please repeat what you are saying.' This will give you a pause.
  15. Say 'I didn't hear that. Please repeat.' 
  16. Say 'I don't understand that. Can you explain it to me, please.' You are actually saying that your opponent has more brain than you. But you are in control. 
  17. Say 'Excuse me, did you say something?' This is quite aggressive. 
  18. Ask 'What time is it?', 'What is that obstacle in your eye?' 'You better tie your shoelace.'
  19. Say 'I need you to stop.' This is a double demand. Quite aggressive.
  20. Say 'This is not a negotiation. Stop.' Another double demand.
  21. Say 'That is enough. Stop.'
  22. Say 'You need to cease your behavior.' This is demanding because it coments the behaviour behind the words.
  23. Say 'Lets bring in others to evaluate this.' This is a way of pausing the conversation and bringing in a third opinion. 
  24. Say 'I understand your position, but my answer is 'NO'. Repeat if this generates a reaction. 
  25. Say 'Ctrl+Alt+Delete'. This is a command you can use as a keyboard shortcut on a PC. It is used to interrupt stuck programs. The command acts as an emergency exit to regain control of a frozen PC. It can also be used when a dialogue is 'frozen' and needs a restart.

STOP reading for now. Enjoy your life!

Michael Meinhardt


Webshop: https://leaderswarehouse.com/en/
☎ +45 71 92 55 63
✉ info@LEADERSwarehouse.com

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